Let Him Go
by Thekuroshitsujilover
Summary: Near loves Mello, and so does Matt. Mello stays with Near, but to who does his heart belong to, really? Near breaks, but he won't fight. And when Mello is about to leave the country with Matt, he meets an old man that makes him realize what he left and let go. Will he go back? Main pair: MelloxNear MelloxMatt hints.
1. He Put You First

December brings chill that soothes everyone stuck in their homes. For Near, it's the best time to hang around by the fireplace with a comfy quilt, drinking homemade hot cocoa with a man he could say to be the most important person in the world.

"Mello..." He snuggled closer.

"Near... Too close."

"Is something the matter?" The younger let go of the blond, staring at him with wide, obsidian eyes as it slowly flowed with confusion. It is possible to think that the albino is a different person when held by Mello; He melts, he weakens and his heart flutters.

"I'm not used to it. But... You can hold my hand." A pang of guilt hit the older genius, caused by his impulsiveness and conscience, he thought. No one can ever be used with the heat emitted from your childhood rival, especially when hatred still grew inside him. His gut twitched.

"Okay..." Near took a sip from the hot drink while he played with blonde's fingers with his left. A minute smile played on his lips - unusual and rare, but the limited contact with the blond made him happy.

A little too happy.

"How was work?" Mello initiated.

"Dragging. But the progress might get better if you were to join forces with me in being L."

"You know that I can't do that..." Near's eyes scanned him twice, took minutes but never understood whatever sort of riddle or divine puzzle the blond threw at him.

A sudden pain "Why...? Is it so hard to be with me?"

"Of course not... Hey... Babe..." Mello saw the ghost of despair reflected on his innocence. However, within a split second, Near immediately built an empty facade; careful not to let any emotion show vulnerability.

Mello clenched a fistful of air while blue eyes narrowed knowingly, pretty sure that this side of him just don't get along with his quenchless inferiority complex. He hates losing to Near's empty perfection.

It hit him.

"Do you even love me... Mello?" The words came unexpected.

"Of course I do. Why would you ask that? It's just that... I have pride and you've got ways I don't approve. It will ruin our relationship." After that being said, Near shifted and nodded a gentle gesture of understanding.

"I understand.." For Mello, the statement didn't sound like reconciliation. Brief and chaste, he placed a feather-like kiss on the little ball of fluff he assumed he always loved for the past seven years.

Yes, an apology, Apology for all the years he-

"I love you, Mello. So, so much." Thin arms wrapped around his torso, squeezing the leather covering the toned layer of skin. Near brought revenge and bit his lip, leading to a long, passionate session participated by two.

Mello felt it again.

"I love you too, Sheep."

_Guilt. Remorse._

_'Sorry...'_

* * *

><p>Quarter to seven and he was ready. The eve before Christmas is another holiday when he can celebrate with Mello to mark their lifetime of affections. An occasion indeed, not only for the rest of the town, but also an all-out-pandemonium of the blonde's birth.<p>

The thought of it made Near giggle mentally.

He walked in layers of sweater on the busy road, appreciating the bright lights now and then, before indulging himself in excitement right after. It takes about ten minutes to arrive where the Chocoholic must be waiting; waiting for his date.

It read 'Les Fleur De Lis' at a certain distance, Cerulean and Topaz lightings ran along rails and bushes surrounding the restaurant. People came in and out within small crowds that made the whole area fine and romantic. Although he's not the type of person to get flushed with a mix of nervousness and happiness, he did. Just once.

Stepping in from glass doors, he observed the whole ambiance of the dining, seeing it to be yellow-lighted and low ceiling. There are few tables meters away from the other, abstract draperies and brick walls. Near scanned further, and his eyes landed on a blond in bob-cut and a brunette.

_"Matt?" _

"Yo, Near. It's been awhile." He drew closer, and he could feel their eyes burning straight to him. Matt never changed - wearing his signature style matched with his goggles, and goofy old grin plastered on his face. He sat on a table of three, and Mello kept unbelievably silent.

"Yes.. Six years. Why now?" First time the albino witnessed the green orbs laying underneath the sepia tints was ages ago, when tears streamed on his face. The next 'by chance' is now. Looking all mature, even the shades turned from green into something a little brownish in color. 'I must've missed the slight discoloration in his eyes. The possible shade-shifting of almost half of his retina is not so far...' Near conducted inwardly. In front of him, there's Matt.

He's... Not sure if it is the Matt he used to know.

"Well, Mello found me. And also, it's hasn't been that long since I last -

"Matt." The depth in Mello's voice threatened Matt to continue. Near just noticed that he was already chomping down some chocolate bar for appetizer and a couple of wine bottles are served on the table. Was Mello getting drunk with Matt as he waited for Near? In addition, there's a sudden unexplainable tension rising between the two.

Near doesn't approve of it either.

"How about we order something else instead of wine? You must be hungry."

"No thanks. I've eaten. I'm just hanging around to accompany my buddy here for a while since it's also his birthday. I'm keeping the record of not missing any birthdays."

"I.. See. Then Mello should order first for he deserves it." Near plopped down on a seat beside the elder genius, took the menu and chatted along. Mello said the least, and maybe because of the fact that the dinner appears to be a reunion-for-old-time's-sake-get together.

"Ha. So it's tough being L! Guess I'm lucky being third after all.. " Matt pulled out a cigar to smoke, until he realized the manager glaring at him.

"I need to get some fresh air. Excuse myself for a moment." He stood, took one last glance at Mello and disappeared. Near thought he should relish the moment and talk, and so he began.

"It's nice to have a talk with an old friend again. I guess it's time to eat and enjoy the food?" Near smiled, Mello noted the motion and thought it's time to relax. Comfortable with each other's presence, time passed and the course came to an end. Mello's phone beeped in time.

"I need to go to the bathroom. You can get the bill."

"Sure."

Near yawned and waited, thinking it's getting pretty late. Thirty minutes walked by his face and stood, making his way to the men's toilet to check on Mello.

The cubicles are all empty.

"...Mello?" His mind snapped into a certain mode.

He's being stupid.

_Utterly stupid._

Mello doesn't take that long, and he should've hurried to come back for him... apparently to his own belief.

He should've doubted.

_Wrong, wrong, wrong._

Near's feet travelled without his permission - his mind commanding the right and definitive action to be done. Outside, there was no one. Without any second thought, he went to the back garden where the lights are dimly lit.

'Thirty minutes... What was I thinking? If this was a murder case, it's like I've given the criminal enough time to kill a victim even if it's certainly predictable... but instead did nothing but sit still and wait for it to go against himself because -'

That's right. _Trust._

_Idiotic Nate River._

He halted from his tracks, and he felt his heart pounce out from his body.

He surely heard delusional breaking sounds.

"Matt, Near might -

"He won't. It's been thirty minutes and he hasn't come. He's mind must be really going rusty.." Matt's mouth hovered around Mello's, and he was tempted enough to ravish it.

Near stood there, existence ignored enough to be unseen. Mello _loved_ Matt differently from Near. But he won't cry. Not now.

_He... Knew... But why did he deny it? As a detective, you should never have any emotions that hold you back into pursuing what's right._

Without direct warning, Mello successfully dragged Near lower _than_ his knees.

a/n yup... pls. review! I'm going to make kinda sad... and it's been a while... anyway, bear with my heartbreaking muse!


	2. Nothing More

_She put your first, but you didn't_

_she waited for you in the rain,_

_but now, it's her turn to walk away..._

"Took you long enough" Near whispered.

"It was a lot of shit. Must be something we ate..." Just a glimpse of the younger he figured something changed - hard, porcelain, and flawless.

Just like the Near he first met.

"Where were you on the thirteenth?" Cold.

"I had work to do. Didn't we get over this already? Besides, tonight substitutes to the dinner we're supposed to have on that day anyways. Nothing big."

"Mello is telling me to believe him when he knows himself he's lying." Mello came frigid and tense. '_Why is he using third person?'_

"What do you mean? There's no reason to lie."

"That is as far as my knowledge can go. I hope you had a nice birthday celebration."

_'No thanks. I've eaten. I'm just hanging around to accompany my buddy here for a while since it's also his birthday. I'm keeping the record of not missing any birthdays._'

"You're acting strange, babe." Mello pulled him closer, wrapping his left arm around his nape as they lingered on the frozen streets of London.

"You left the moment your phone rang. What was the message?"

"Why are you asking so many questions? You know that I don't like this kind of relationship, Near. You're being a woman."

"Am I? I must have a good argument." Mello chuckled.

"Really, let me hear it?" At the center of all attention, the leather-clad man hugged Near and kissed him. Smouldering and twisting Near's insides with his breath and stare - Near felt how weak he can be around his fire.

"Mello... Do you love me?"

He just laughed. "Yeah. You and only _you._" Isolation filled the night.

_'One day, Mello, I will find the courage to walk out from you... '_

* * *

><p>Sunlight shone through panels and illuminated the room with dandelion air. A shuffle resounded under pristine sheets and rose to welcome the morning.<p>

"Good Morning, dear Mello."

"Nhn... Morning fluffy." Genuine smiles tugged in both of their lips, and like an inevitable force they cuddled close enough to be one for good five minutes.

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"Hm.. Chocolate milk and Chocolate chip pancakes with honey.." Near blinked.

"You never had enough Chocolate in your system."

"You bet. Near covered with Hershey's syrup sounds good too."

"I'm eating fruits." The delicate male hopped a few steps and changed into his usual, taintless pyjamas, leaving Mello's sentiment unattended.

"You don't have to diet."

"I'm not. It's healthy leaving."

"You're underweight by ten pounds."

Near raised a brow "I'm barely five foot tall." Losing the argument, the blonde suspended his hands upwards for surrender. Just lately, they established a regular sleeping process and both ended up to be noon people. Drowsiness plagued both their faces but the younger of the two held a nice grip of himself as he cooked the supposed 'Healthy' breakfast.

"When are you leaving?" Mello never burnt bridges with the inner Mafia, and he had underground tasks appointed to him just a few days ago. Near never inquired but made sure of his lover's safety, and Mello promised to avoid bloodshed and serious crimes. Ironic - for he is L himself, the greatest founder of justice, but he wouldn't deny that Mello also leaked advantageous information from the drug circle.

"One? I'll be back early. So wait for me?"

"Depends on the development of the case."

Mello scoffed. "Just make sure we'll see each other tonight." In cue, Near smiled and a certainly topless blonde caught him by the hips and murmured: "I'll love you raw, be prepared." His brain almost went blank for a second, blushing and averting his eyes as if to highlight a 'Virginity in Trouble' sign.

"...see ya then." It was a quiet meal and the hand ticked exactly one o' clock. Some sweet nothings exchanged and sugar-coated lies were Mello's farewell kiss.

He plunged into the cold winter and Near is left alone for the umpteenth time.

"... _If._.. We will be the same." Near replied lastly, afraid that the spirits might hear the curse.

* * *

><p><em>'Yo Near! Can I come over?<em> ' An all-too-familiar voice exclaimed rfom the other line.

"Yeah. Actually... I don't have work today."

"_That barely happens..? Then I guess you should spare sometime with the 'significant other'. '_

'See you then, Matt.'

'Im already here ya know.' Near headed towards the door and met the grinning red head. What's surprising is the pair of goggles is currently out of sight.

"I'm home~"

"Welcome, Matt." He placed his boots at corner, implying a Japanese habit he learned when he used to reside there and simply because he thought it was cool.

Near lead Matt to the living room, where most of the temperamental blonde's personal belongings made its territory. Even if the hallway before it was long and questionable enough, the third didn't seem to mind any of the abnormalities from the structure to its contents.

Another point.

Halfway through the silence of Near's thoughts, Matt read his mind. "You must be wondering. You're that smart I guess."

"Would Mattie like coffee or Juice?" How half-heartedly he used the nostalgic nickname.

"Chocolate milk." His eyes shot at the older male. "We're almost out of it." Near exhaled.

Matt smirked "You've got two stocks of it."

"Wait a moment." After being settled on the couch, Matt sank on the leather which is pretty worn out to be firm; a little hint of malice playing on his features.

"You must be wondering."

"Indeed. How many times have you been here?"

"How many times have you gone?" Disinterest lingered his eyes, but Matt knew he pulled him hard enough to freeze on the spot. Cloudy- but a little light had its way through modern panes around the tiny space of his humble home; used to be liveable but this atmosphere is too suffocating for Near's lungs to breathe.

_Mello, where are you?_

Near turned his back on him. "What did you come here for?"

"Mello and I have been together for nine years." Gravity threatened the albino's frail entirety.

"Oh, and... are those Hershey's wrappers?" Matt suddenly pointed at a pile, and Near bowed his head.

"Mello's favorite chocolate." He knows at least.

"He likes Lindt better. I'm shocked he could eat all of those calories. It's not even worth it." He retorted.

"That's great to hear" Near cringed, trying to look as unaffected as possible, but he felt it - he felt salty liquid aggressively prickling his chin.

It's bothering him.

He answered Near's hidden precautions "Just wanna chat 'cus I'm bored hacking, and Mario hasn't updated a new version yet." Matt stretched his joints before staring deeper into Near's charcoal pupils. "And to say that I'm back to reality. " Rationalities and logic worked like gears in the detective's head, deciphering the intentions and the true storm that has yet to come from someone he had once called a friend. As if their intelligence synced, Matt then again jested and sputtered nonstop about video games and such.

"I bet you've never heard that ringtone before. It only beeps when it is me who texts him."

"I figured that much. I hope you could keep this meeting a secret from Mello."

"No problem." Matt stood. "I was looking forward to seeing you cry. But seems like you've never changed... You're still a hollow vessel."

"We were raised that way."

"Don't break on me, Near."

"Don't dream much of it."The gamer lit a cigarette between his teeth, inhaling the scent and the right statement finally came to his mind. Just meters away, he could hear the motorcycle driven by the only person they are connected with from the apartment doorstep.

"He... Loves me. Nine years, Near. You know what that means?"

"... I'm the _bad_ guy that ruined your relationship?"

"Not really. You were just a past time Mello got very fond of. "

_'Nothing more than that.'_

"See you later, Nia."

A crumble reiterated from his core, and in that moment, he forgot how to give a chance for explanation. In addition to past details, tears never had its toll, just sweat that occurred during the heat of his frustration in the ice-cold winter.

Yes, robots don't cry anyways. They just break.

**a/n: I hope everyone's liking the progress. I'll update as soon as possible. thanks for the support :)**


	3. He'll tear it

Mello knocked on the door that night, a bag of sweet bars and orange juice in hand. Near welcomed him with wide arms and both seemed perfectly fine. However, it is because_ it_ hasn't begun yet.

"How was work?"

"Demands here and there, nothing more productive than eating chocolate." He joked.

"Guess you had a great time. I cooked dinner since I got home early. The case is coming to an end." Mello pecked Near's cheek.

"How admirable. What's for dinner?"

"Steak. I made your favorite sauce." Mello's tired sapphire eyes widened in excitement "Sounds nice. Can't wait to eat." That being said, Mello tossed his coat on top of his magazine collection, and by the sight of his favorite gun, he cheered up.

"Dinner's ready."

"Coming." Mello assessed the dish and smiled, thanking the Gods secretly of getting Near to learn how to cook. Or else, he must've died eating convenience store meals. His talent in cuisine wasn't expected by Mello either, since he failed almost everything except everything involved in academics.

The young lover sat by Mello, watching him enjoy the food he prepared. Definitely not overreacting if he said it was a product of 'sweat and blood'. Though far from his nature to be a part-time housewife and chef, still, he did it from the tiny ounce of affection he has left to offer Mello.

It will run out, he thinks. Or so he thought about love.

"This is exquisite. How can I possibly live without you?"

"Oxygen, Mello."

"Don't ruin the mood." Mello swallowed the last piece of protein before opening the fridge to find his bittersweet addiction. The blonde noticed the holy difference.

"Why did you buy Lindt instead of Hershey's? You arrived at home that early you even got to grocery shop?"

"Yes. I thought it would be nice to change our pace a little."

"Thanks. Like it." In a matter of mere seconds, Mello already murdered about three bars of it and left empty silver wrappers scattered on the ground. He closed his eyes now and then as he savored the melting drug on his tongue. Near still watched Mello.

"You didn't tell me you like it that much. "

"Yeah. Buy this from now on." Mello displayed a genuine smile of contentment.

"I fixed your clothes. They're all black, but I separated it according to kind. Coats on the left, vests on the right, shirts and tops at the bottom half of the shared closet and leather pants at the top part."

"That's very sweet of you."

"I just thought that I should get rid of an eyesore." The blue-eyed male frowned. "You don't have to be so stiff." He countered.

"I've been always like this. I'll never change."

"And then you claim you're so in love with me?"

"I never asked you to change for me either, Mello. As a matter of fact, I've trusted an underground runt like you more than any of my subordinates in the SPK. I didn't even mind the scar that burnt two-thirds of your face because of your own carelessness." Now it is him who should say thank you? A voiceless, awkward debate rose from both geniuses' brain and Mello was kicked by Near lower than his pride for the hundredth time of his life that infuriated the blond mad; even his consciousness itself can go blind and hit the toy-inclined male.

"I somehow get the idea that you don't love me as much."

"Speak for yourself." Mello's brow twitched - he hated the path of this conversation.

"You know what? You always do things for me but act like you've done it because of your own selfishness! You put on this face that tells everyone you don't care but you actually do sometimes! No one can read your mind! Let me tell you what - you're getting fucking annoying!" Mello stomped out of Near's sight, making his way to their room and appetite out-lawed. He huffed in irritation, soon behaving his nerves until Near followed a response.

"If you have so many complaints about me, then leave."

"Why do you keep saying that lately -!"

"What? You have Matt don't you? Is there anything else you're so in denial about?" Mello shot his azure eyes to Near, a sudden fear flickering its flame.

"What about Matt?"

"Tell me about the past two years before you confessed to me. " He stood, mouth slightly agape and unblinking eyes. He averted himself asked for the moon's solace as guilt finally made its way to all of him. Near looked at him, neutral-faced but deep inside he was shouting for release.

He so wanted to cry right now.

"You've.. Been meeting with Matt lately?"

"Mello, I can forgive you, just... Just tell me one thing." Near dropped his arms to his side, partly drained to the bones caused by secret sleepless nights and mental abuse. When Mello stole a glance from him, he convinced himself that Near spared a tear.

And many more followed.

"Why did you want me when you had Matt? Why are you still with him if you ever loved me? Do... You.." It hurt so bad he didn't know how to deal with it. Like a programmed robot void of any emotion who experienced pain as his first, heartfelt human feeling.

What a tragic memory.

Near couldn't recall the old Near who was never capable of such things.

"Mello... _Do you love me?_"

Before he knew it, he was already talking to an empty space. Mello walked out and is nowhere to be found. Is he.. being honest for once?

"_You...could've at least_ _lied..."_

Mello said he wanted to crush the last brick surrounding Near's heart. Who knew that he did tear Near into pieces forcefully without warning.

_'I tried looking for my old self. But I finally understand why it's so hard to find..._

_There's nothing left of me._

_Everything belonged to Mello from the start.'_

* * *

><p><em>Once you hurt her,<em>

_She won't put you first anymore._

_She won't wait all night for your love._

_She won't scare your nightmares any longer,_

_She will tear the part of her_

_That hurts._

* * *

><p>"It's been awhile, Near - no, L." Hal said in shock, fondling the hems of her blouse.<p>

"That's true. Two weeks since." The tone - low and soft, the upright woman almost trembled. The rest of the team sat on the edge of their seats, questioning but relieved to see their boss back on his feet and reclaiming the throne.

"Why have you come?"

"I'm here to work, of course. The progress seem slow-paced so I'm spending my hours overtime. I hope everyone will still accept me and overlook my foolishness." Without any more say, he suited himself on the floor like it was a part of him and fumbled the leftover toys he regretted he once abandoned.

He stacked dice as priority in his itinerary. "Hal, lend me documents in both files."

"Y-yes!" She smiled and the rest of their colleagues exhaled burden and worry. Every one of them started tapping the keyboards energized and the whole headquarters shifted back to its past routine.

"Here. The first file states the criminal records of the first suspect and the second one contains the homicide massacre with his family."

"Now that I think about it, the case is pretty simple. Call upon military forces and search the whole state of Canada and within two days and he's not yet found, arrest Mr. Brian." Near didn't take time to thoroughly read the content of both papers and handed it back to Hal, and a sudden realization clicked.

"Near, have you been eating? You're way thinner than you were before." There was hesitance in her voice but she insisted. "What happened during your time off?"

"It's nothing to be concerned about."

"What did Mello do?" The tower of dice stumbled, destroyed.

"Nothing. It's my fault, I'm ...pathetic." Near didn't look forward to being pulled by Hal towards an empty room. He didn't understand, nor did he restrain, he had just been forsaken of all sort of strength physically and logically.

"You can tell me. I've been loyal to you for God knows how long –"

"You don't understand the state I'm in." Hal's resolution dropped the moment she felt the light tremor on his lips. Heavens, the little emotionless twit looks as abandoned.

He shadowed his face beneath the wavy fringe "It was a mistake that I trusted him. I feel ashamed, for the former predecessor himself can never allow personal matters to take hold of his will."

'_Hal, I must speak to you.'_

_'What is it?'_

_'I might go down from the position of L'_

She pursed her lips together. "It seems like this talk will lead nowhere. I won't issue any further."

"I appreciate it."

"Promise me though." Near neither moved or responded.

"You will still be L, and you will solve this the way he would." As planned, she headed to greet the rest of their disturbed faces with a smile and assurance. While on the other hand, Near was left without choice and frigid.

He needed to end it as neat as L, as detached as L.

Even if the whole situation can cost his life.

* * *

><p>Mello came home late after a couple of drinks with his gang. Any other way he looked at it, there's no more way to fix it. He himself is not good in resolving love conflicts with just roses and chocolates, since Near also has allergic responses towards flowers and he probably will just end up eating the dark confectionery.<p>

Also, it also meant freedom. There will be no commitment, for Matt is also not the type to hold one but he's sure possessive. No stress, not more pretending.

In the deepest part of himself, he thought that he did love Near in some point.

"My head's spinning..." Mello grabbed some Aspirin before resting on the couch. Today was a whole load of nonsensical ruckus he didn't even give a damn about. It was just a bunch of assholes trying to get themselves a recognition underground and Mello let them do whatever they want. That is if Mello is done doing whatever the hell he wants, which is to dispose of them before he gets a migraine any worse than this. He let out a sigh.

"Hungry." He muttered.

The kitchen sure is empty without the sheep around, who is apparently in overtime. Also, Mello doesn't think that they're going to hit off usual evenings any sooner, since he's a jerk who walked out of Near just a couple of mournful nights ago. Undecided, he opened the fridge without anything in mind. He also did a lot of treasure-hunting within the shelves to find nothing appetizing. Even chocolate sounded dull for the first time.

He felt it.

Time after time, he felt guilt consuming him. He wasn't that insensitive and hard as to never care about him. There's also a percent of truth in his words as he said he loved Near, though he can't accept it wholeheartedly because of a past he fought over.

He thought everything will be better from now on. But something's bugging him that after this night, or maybe tomorrow or the next day – he'll probably regret everything.

_'Huh? No, that's not me.'_

He noticed a couple of things – first, he's being too depressed. Second, he shouldn't give that much thought to his dear rival since he knew that Near's 'I Love You's meant the opposite. Third – there's stuff on the table.

"Steak and rice?" Mello folded his brows in suspicion and walked to the room he once called a paradise. Underneath thick, voluminous blankets, Near wrapped himself completely invisible. A shallow breathing resounded and it was a sudden eye-opener.

'_Near had time to cook? It's been awhile since I saw him so soundly asleep before me.'_

Mello sneakily left the room and remembered that he had to tidy up his gun slinger collection. Most of them are antique but well used, and Mello procrastinated a lot of months before finally having the urge to clean up the small space of his obsession.

In mere seconds, Mello arrived in the room where all his powdered magazines are displayed. There's just something off – it looks as grand as new.

_'Near… he cleaned it?_' Walking over them, he swiped a finger, realizing that the dust hasn't even touched it by any means.

It shot right through him. Again.

"Near.. why are you doing all of these?" Not just simply cooking dinner for Mello still heated even past ten or cleaning almost sixty complicated weapons shiny but the past few days, he noticed that he even sew the ripped part of his jeans and bought a new shampoo for Mello which he secretly wanted.

_Why?_

Panting and blood pumping – that's when he ran downstairs fast-paced to the bedroom where the young boy with a hint of albinism slept. Reaching out his hand, he proceeded to curling a strand of hair with his index finger.

_What are you doing, Mello?_

He gasped and brought his palm to his face, shaking his head violently as he slid down on the carpeted floor.

He was afraid. For a moment there, he desired to kiss Near.

'_I don't care about him. I love Matt. Matt said that I'm just confused with true love and fondness, that's all.'_

He doesn't care too.

Right?

Mello screamed at the back of his mind that Near is stone-cold and enjoys insulting him rotten and kills him with overwhelming love. He never truly _cared_, or maybe when he held his hand at moments when Mello had nightmares, and he recalled it so well he met the same sensation again:

_His breath at my nape, whispering a lullaby that allows me to sleep-_

_'I'll always remain your reality and that is to be loved by me._

_I'm always here.'_

He cared.

But he hates Near, that anguish never flared down. And Near should to.

_'How can you be so perfectly rude? I swear, I will never fall on my wings to follow you as you fall down to hell.'_ Mello ponders.

He flipped his phone "What is it, Mattie?"

_'Mello, do you have a passport to Japan?'_

**A/n oh no Mello's leaving! Kind of a confusing part since the characters here are having mixed feelings with each other and is currently at the state of confusion. While Near knew he could end everything like it has never happened like the old L and not be affected by his real feelings, Mello suffers as he tries to contradict his feelings with hate and that he could never fall for Near since he knew Near is almost close to being an empty individual and he doesn't care for Mello. But all of that will change soon! Thanks for stopping by :D Especially Rei, who **


	4. I won't fight for you

Near is already in bed playing with his action figures past eight. He decided to get his immune system back on track and add meals in his diet, as well as preoccupying his mind with other productive things such as puzzles to ease the heaviness he felt recently.

He thought the time flowed wisely until Mello barged in without any sort of clue.

"It has been a while."

"Yes. I see you're doing well." No image of reluctance, just a whole picture of Near being numb.

"Yeah." While Near rested his weight on his leg, he consciously twirled a strand as Mello rummaged through the closet. Near thought it was nothing, but quite hidden from his sight Mello held a medium-sized luggage.

"Leaving?" Mello turned to him.

"Yeah." Before he could continue Near asked again: "With Matt?"

"...yeah." In his grasp, there are shirts and vests, mostly messed up as he just grabbed them out of the stack. Near noticed the sudden wonder in the blonde's actions.

"Leather pants at the bottom half. I just fixed it and placed it there." Mello did his very best to conceal the conscience attempting to show.

"Where are going?"

"Japan. He's got residence there and a pretty decent name. We can live in peace." Something sharp cut through Near's wall.

_'Do you not find peace in me, Mello?'_

"It will be a long time since we'll see each other again." The tall male zipped the baggage and readily padded out of the tension in time before the toy-addict spoke again with force.

"Thank you for the memories. I learned a lot from my mistakes." Mello hid his features.

"I thought I loved you."

"I thought so too."

"But you made me feel safe. A lot of times." He was afraid to bore through Near's honest eyes, afraid to leave and carry the lonely smile as memory instead of the warm ones that comforted.

"And you completed me."

"But you didn't care." The proud man encountered the notions he vowed to never spare. He knew Near can never fall in love so why would he when he's so high up in the sky?

"Perhaps. But you didn't, too. That's what you said. There's no use of arguing about it any longer, right?"

"You're too full of yourself. You don't need my opinion." Maybe it's best to end it with hate, for it also began with hate.

_However, the six year-old boy whom he despised for his guts planted a soft spot in Mello's heart. _

"Mello"

"Near." 

"As you wish, Mihael..." The devil himself smirked and left the albino just as diabolical as him alone and secluded.

Robots just wanted someone to just own them.

_"Dear, I won't fight for you."_ The echo reached the receiver's ears and the silly, derisive smile faded.

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><p><strong>AN left this short so it would be more MELLOdramatic :) Thanks for the reviews and I guess this story will be done of the weekend :) thanks for the support! Special thanks to Rei and Dinorawsaur for the feedback :3 **


	5. Parallel lines

"Stock up some chocolates because this is going to be a long, wild drive." The red head mused with exhilaration. Just a couple of hours give or take, they'd be in time for the midnight flight heading to Tokyo.

"Yeah. You sure you driving?"

"Hell, trust me. I'm pretty famous." The amusement played between the two males but Mello's thoughts bounced back right on Matt.

"Are you worried about him?"

"He'll be fine."

"I bet five bucks that you had no idea how to end it nice and clean."

"We ended it mutually but we were not so direct." The engine vibrated to life and the red Chevrolet lunged through foggy streets of England. He reared the windows open and began to smoke a cigarette, the blonde did the same but instead sucked on bars while he stared into the dark, chilly views in silence.

Matt intertwined his fingers with Mello's gloved ones. "It was the right decision to be made. Near understood this too without a bit of struggle. "

"That's because he didn't care."

"You don't have to dwell on your frustration because of his impartiality. It's got nothing to do with you anymore." Matt puffed-out a trail of smoke, suddenly becoming occupied by the music played by the radio and tapped his thighs in beat. Mello then plastered a doomed expression as the closure came that Near is already none of his business.

When Matt let go of his palm and started enveloping himself with Rock and harmony, Mello can't help but want it to fit back on his.

* * *

><p>Four hours elapsed and they are already at the entrance of the airport. They qualified in every necessary station and they reached the immigration where most restaurants are located. Matt then told Mello to take a seat and he'll be out to buy some drinks for a second. As soon as the brunette left, his lids closed slowly as it gave in to its weight.<p>

Just when unconsciousness agreed to conquer his mind, a wrinkly old voice shattered the imagery.

"Looking exhausted young man. Got dumped?" A flabby man in his sixties laughed.

Mello peeked in one eye. "No. My lover is with me right now." He trembled when the cool air touched his forearms.

"Tsk. You can't lie to an ol' white man like me cowboy!" He sat on a metal table across Mello's with a couple of empty bottles of beer. Mello just huffed in dismissal and thought the he'd pass out in mere minutes from his perspective.

His temper rose. "Please understand I'm trying to get one hell of a good sleep old fart."

"That's not a way to speak to your wise elders! Tell me though, boy, what have you done?" The bearded man brought the beer to his lips and produced a loud, disgusting gulp and Mello assumed he's getting pretty wasted.

"I didn't do anything."

"Aw, come on! Tell papa Will what's your problem and we can fix it!" As Mello knitted his brows, since he was also getting quite pissed - the man sang a nursery rhyme in tune about irritating nonsense

"I said I have no problem." Mello told himself that he's pretty good at obeying personal rules like 'Beat up no senior citizen if you want a Christmas present.' - which is a rule he had established way back at Whammy's, and still applied it to his incomprehensible values that only unpredictable men could possibly understand.

"Tell me, you dumped her didn't you?"

"Shut up."

"She was never home."

"Shut the _fuck up_."

"She knows how to push you over the edge."

"Goddamit, you ancient whale..."

"What?" Will teased the impatient blonde who heaved a sigh; rubbing the back of his head and faced the persistent geezer. He had never dreamt a stranger suddenly meddling with his affairs with a knack on the head. Honestly a literal scatter-brain.

He put the glass half-filled with Bourbon down and who-knows-how he laid a hand on it. "I won't ask ya if you love your woman or not. But let me tell ya about my wife..."

"You actually presumed that I would enjoy hearing about that."

"Past time, bro. Gotta get it out of my head ya know she won't hear it anyways!"

"Isn't she with you right now?"

"I bet she's having a tea with Judas somewhere out there..." Mello bent his form and stuck his elbows to his knees in contemplation. That's when he's mind processed the previous significance of the sentence.

"Sorry to hear that."

"Don't regret it as much as I do right now." He crinkled his forehead and hazel eyes with emotions Mello couldn't point a finger lurked somewhere deep within naked sight. Mello suddenly questioned the deformity.

"I won't. I'm with the one I love now."

"Is that your mind speaking? It usually persuades your inner turmoil shut and forgets about the wound caused by real happiness."

"I may understand your point. But it's different between me and... _her_. It's not as simple as broadcasted love-conflicts you hear in every show. We've been complicating each other as far as we can remember it drove us to the point of madness."

_'So how can you still stay in love when you're about to slice him open every day?'_

"But then, didn't she cook for you consecutively even in the nights you're out drinkin'? Didn't she make sure that you are able to breathe fresh air in your humble home? Didn't she know the things you always looked for? _Didn't she scare your nightmares away?"_ A loud chuckle came from him, shaking his head vigorously like he was trying to prove Mello's idiocy. The slender youth amiably stared at him with low eyes as he fisted the thin material of his clothing, rendered speechless by what he had heard so familiar it summed up his casual day-to-day.

_'He never let go of my hand no matter what occurred. Even when he appeared so detached from the world no one could touch him - he made sure I was warm.'_

"Why?"

"You complicate things, young man. She may have faults of her own, and maybe your beginning raised both of you lacking somethin'. But the thing is..."

_'Near, Mello. How about it? Would you like to work together?'_

_'It's not like I wished to shatter his whole authority and self-assurance with my own stench. It's just that -_

"You may be as opposite as black and white. But don't you think parallel lines must be in a lonelier case? No matter how far they reach the world, even at the very fall of the universe -

they can _never_ meet."

_'I was afraid I might not be good enough to be your missing piece.'_

* * *

><p><strong>An dun dun dun DUN! What will Mello do next? Will he realize why his heart thumped every time Near was around? Will he find the answer to everything, including the fact that Near actually -**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter for it draws closer to the end :) Thanks for the support as always, Rei!**


	6. Your crown

_A great, lonely genius once said:_

_"Some people want to be a hero. That's their highest crown."_

_"I wanna be first to-_

_"But, all heroes want love, and that's their greatest honor."_

_"... I don't understand."_

_"Nobody wants to be the asking price, Mello."_

* * *

><p>Before Will could lecture any further, Mello already stood and on his way out and back to the place he once considered a home.<p>

Where someone who cares waited.

What if Near awaits him until now?

"Woah. That's fast boy, I guess you left something pretty important." The elder sipped the remaining contents of the wineglass and waved his hands, but Mello replied just in the right time when he was about to fall into deep slumber.

"Yeah. I forgot something so I'm goin' back to get it." The man yawned and tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah... Don't let 'er go ever 'gain." A snort came from his throat. "You bet."

_'Someday, I'll get around thanking this wrinkled tomato'_

Without hesitance, he ran steadfast and began to pant. He felt moist on his skin and leather uncomfortably wrapped his thighs. Worries clouded his mind, but there's one thing clear.

"Near, stay awake ... For me!"

_'I'm sorry, Mattie..._

_'I finally woke up from the long nightmare.'_

As Mello ran through crowds, they stared at him absentmindedly. If only they knew - if only they could read the desperation and regret reflecting the blonde, they'd stop and take a lungful of breath. In the side-lines, there's also a person who didn't risk reaching out and pulling him back.

Not so brilliant and not so significant, he's used to being third last. "It's _okay,_ Mello." He dropped the bag of drinks, as well as the stories he hoped to share during the years he was a Japanese Military force underling, expert in technology and planes; the strange guys he have met and his craving for Mello's full presence.

_'Oh well. I kept the fact that you've watched Near subconsciously, which was an easy manipulation. But why the hell can't I cast the same spell on your love?_ ' Even how emotional it sounded, he urged a smile.

"Good bye, Mello-yellow." Matt took out a cigarette and surprisingly, a single ticket that only bore his name.

_'We are lucky enough to be two different lines that happened to cross by. Once passed, it is impossible to meet again at the same point.'_

Which is pretty sad too.

* * *

><p>"Taxi!" The moment he shouted the cab instantly reared in front of him. It was like a panic attack and he was running out of time and the clock slowly ticked close to twelve midnight. Heavy traffic pursued and it took approximately four hours and a half before he arrived at the familiar street two blocks away from the apartment.<p>

The sun gradually rose and he's home.

_'Near, are you waiting for me?'_

He ignored all the noise he produced as he clumsily ran upstairs. The wooden door with two-digit numbers came to view and he realized what he had done - he travelled the hard road way back to righteous happiness.

Raspy pants, sweat-beaded skin and messy golden locks, - he swallowed pride.

The door creaked open.

"Hah...hah.." The whole place was shadowed with darkness, and there were muffled cries that reiterated in the back ground.

A part of him didn't want it to belong to Near.

"M-Mello?" The frail, delicate boy padded towards Mello. It's not obvious but Mello was sure tears streamed through the strained eyes. Near froze in spot.

In his loose, baggy pyjamas that were insanely too big for him, he looked more weakened as he fumbled the edge of his shirt like a child. "Why... Did you come back?"

"I left something." Near lifted his head and analyzed the said self-centred, despicable and hostile male - a distortion present on his face, either by disgust or

Longing.

A really cold and warm matter at the same time poked the younger's forehead.

"Seems like I left _my heart beating_ somewhere around here..."

* * *

><p><strong>An cheesy alright. Last chapter on the go, but maybe I'll include a fluffy epilogue ... Tell me what you guys think anyways :) follow and fav if you want an update for the next three hours!**


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